If I Told You My Story…

….you would hear a lot about starts and stops, about high goals not yet reached, about self sabotage, and a life that hope just wont leave alone.  This week I wondered if hope is a good thing or a bad thing.  Hope is all I am.  It’s all I cling to.  I would self-destruct without it.

My goals are much more streamlined and clear to me now, at least.  Now I know that I just want to be free to choose.  I need more space. I don’t want a fancy house.  I want my house to be the world.  And I want to have the ability to explore all its rooms.  I want to be physically free and unencumbered by excess weight, pain and stiffness.  I want to play music.  I want to create pretty things.

When I started this blog, I called it,” How I claimed my freedom by embracing my life purpose.”  As I stand here writing, laptop balanced on top of a conga drum, looking through the glass of the patio door as the sun comes up over the trees, I am thinking about how many (thousands of) times I’ve started this journey.  I think about how long I’ve adapted to feeling miserable.  I read over old journal entries, and shake my head because they were written in 2009 and they said the same thing.  I haven’t met a single person who feels they way I do about their life and it makes me wonder whether I’m the only one.  I know I can’t be.  But where are the others?  My soul relatives?  Have they given up?  I wonder if they’re silent about everything they truly feel, like me before this blog.  Maybe part of my purpose is to find them and connect them and rise along with them.

So today’s download from the Universe is:  figure out what’s stopping you.  I have this great plan and all the wonderful things I want to do and I usually don’t end up doing them, even though they’re all I think about.  I realized that when I think about things, I’m thinking about the happiness associated with what I want, but I don’t always connect with the potential discomfort that I will experience, or plan how I will work around the distractions that always come.  Get comfortable being uncomfortable.  Fear is just energy.  We label it fear and we say it’s something bad.  It doesn’t have to stop us, and maybe it can actually fuel us.  We are more powerful than our fear, we are more powerful than our discomfort, we are more powerful than things that attempt to distract us.

Yesterday I ate heavy food in the morning and went into an emotional tailspin.  I felt so down and started listening to the negative thoughts.  We have to know what affects our emotions and employ the tools that keep our vibration high.   We have to identify the things in our environment that make our emotions/energy/vibration low, and avoid them like the plague.

Look at all this wisdom.  God, please help me make use of it.



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