I am only speaking for myself when I attempt to explain what being overweight feels like. My intention isn’t to offend anyone. In sharing this post and some photos of me at my heaviest, I hope that some readers can relate, because my only purpose is to build community and connection with those who resonate with it. Please leave comments below. I read and respond to everyone.
Being overweight has been the most miserable feeling. It feels like being in chains. There’s only so far you can move, only so much you can do. Being overweight is embarrassing at times, when you catch a glimpse of your reflection. Is that what I look like? I always tried not to look, not to see myself. Being overweight is like wearing a blanket that covers who you really are. People can only see the physical you that’s in front of them, that society has conditioned them to believe is a certain kind of person. In our society, people have been conditioned to value people who are slender. You often have to put on a mask and smile on the outside, despite the inner sadness. But others still feel it, because the energetic vibration that a person exudes comes from a place of truth. Being overweight feels like being ignored, forgotten, or unseen.
Being overweight is the result of overeating, but overeating does not happen because a person wants to be overweight. Overeating happens to quell anxiety, to numb emotions, or to experience a powerful feeling of joy, however brief it may be. The consequence of doing this too often is becoming overweight. But not eating exposes all of what we were trying to cover. It re-ignites every flame we tried to extinguish with food.
Being overweight is a double-edged sword. We want affection, but we don’t want to be seen or felt because to be touched means to expose the very thing that we hate so much about ourselves. So we go on, starving for physical touch, and at the same time hiding from it.
I didn’t want to wear nice clothes because being overweight and shopping for clothes only amplifies the misery. I stopped trying to even look nice because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. I would rather just be invisible.
As difficult as it has been for me over the years, struggling to overcome this obstacle in my life, I was always afraid to take on a position of self acceptance. I felt that doing that would make me comfortable. And if I was comfortable, I would just remain this way forever. That might not be the best mentality for everyone, but this is what I believe for myself.
A lot has changed since this blog began. I’m still overweight, but I’m in a much better place now. I’ve taken control. I’ve studied myself, written the thesis, and I’m about to receive the master’s degree in self-awareness, self-love, and self-help!! Now, I can see myself changing. Now, when I want to eat something, I know what choices to pick from. Now, when anxiety looms, I have strategies in place to rescue me and keep me balanced. Now I’m doing what I love. And when I catch my reflection in the mirror, I just smile.
If you are going through this now and are ready to make a real change, I want to help. Subscribe to my newsletter and start using the strategies I have found that finally worked for me. Maybe they’ll work for you too.